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In many areas, I crave consistency. I like when the subway comes on time and how my hair will be nude perfect on the third day since my last wash. Sometimes the lighting is dim or the camera lens on my phone is dirty. Other times, I can't convince high face and body to do something sexy at the same time. The result is always a weirdly cropped, uncomfortable-looking photo that I'd rather delete than send to anyone else.

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And that sort of defeats the purpose of quality nude selfie—at least, the ones I'm taking. Instead of continuing to suffer from my chronic inability to take a hot nude, I turned to the experts: Then I did an IRL boudoir shoot with one of them. Their first lesson: Mood matters, as much as any pose or facial expression.

This shocked me.

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No longer.